There are only a few days left before Christmas holidays will engulf us all once more in a general atmosphere of love, generosity, humanitarianism and fun taking us for a day back into those ages where every single day was significant because it was another day spent with the loved ones on the face of this Earth...
For me Christmas was never about religions, saints or Santas, but about families being together, about the joy of waking up in the morning that special day with a flurry of sparkling lights and colors, Christmas carols, home-baked cookies and fresh pine scent surrounding you and making that day seem unreal, a sweet scented dream you dreamed of for an entire year that would last one single day...enough though to capture your dreams for an entire year again after. I remember we were having this dreamy sensation way before Christmas day was upon us back in the day, the minute school finished and we were out the school's gate knee-deep in snow racing who's gonna get home first and start preparing their backpacks to get to grandma's or pulling out Christmas decorations and laying them all over the house when the Christmas tree wasn't even in just yet...
I remember the night the tree was brought in covering the carpets in snow from its branches and spreading its scent allover the place, that fresh scent of pine that would last in my nostrils for weeks after Christmas was over already, spreading its mountain-like cold hidden within its branches and leaves, making you shiver in awe and pleasure since the moment was dragged in through the door sometimes till hours later after was already covered in Christmas decorations and lights seeming now even more majestic and sacred.
I remember all that Christmas fervor that seemed to surround everybody starting next day when they started running around making all the necessary preparations for the holidays ahead of us, cleaning and rearranging houses, baking and cooking all kinds of Christmas dishes and sweets in a twirling merry-go-round of aromas, smells and scents that would make your head spin your stomach twist and your imagination go wild and last but not least, sacrificing the pigs in that ritual that would keep us children stuck outside in the cold almost for an entire day forgetting our games and fun for as long as it lasted, watching the pigs getting roasted, cut and prepared for even further refining for our culinary joy and delight. It was all magic and special, all destined to stir and satisfy the candid imagination of children and adults alike in one single special day when everybody gathered together in a family who, for one day, was a family again...
And I remember Christmases years after we started growing up, after that magic world became thinner and thinner but still preserving its roots in our hearts and minds...
the Christmases when we could barely just wait to be with our best friends, with the girls we were in love with, when we could barely wait to get together put together what little money we were raising for this special occasion and start planning and preparing for what we believed it was the magic after the magic disappeared...
When we were trying to recreate that feeling in our hearts when we were children, this time besides those who became families for some of us like myself, my brother, my best friends - my brothers from other mothers, the girls i used to be in love or felt happy with, a different kind of family, a different kind of magic still rooted in my heart even today...
I remember spending those days with this family in which we were all equal, all brothers all essential parts of it, i remember how we couldn't feel the same fun and joy when one of us wasn't present or when the girl we had our hearts committed to was not around any longer for one reason or another. When we had to leave without somebody we cared about or when we had to stay behind when life wouldn't allow us to join them...Christmas was nothing without our family of friends!...The carnival of the childhood was now the roller coaster of teenage love and excitement, less magic and dreams, more love and desire to have fun with your close ones.
Yet years have passed us by and slowly Christmas' magic went away taking with it all the reasons for which life seemed happier and worth living...Today Christmas became just another day of my life, a Monday or a Wednesday, a 5th or a 25th, weekday or weekend, it all doesn't matter anymore...the magic is gone, the love and excitement is gone, the families are broken up and dissolved and nothing is left behind besides lonely people still trapped in their own past.
I am one of those people trapped in my own past, prisoner of my own love for what it used to mean the world to me...I dont want to change it and i will never agree to move on because life without all these things is not a life worth living...
Being trapped inside my head in my own world may be stupid for others but i chose to live like this instead of becoming this sore and indifferent little guy or girl u see all around u, going through life day by day like machines thinking in terms of 0 and 1, money and money, weighing, measuring and rationalizing every single second of their life and their actions and leaving out every single bit of that soul that once made us all children, made us all beings in love, living life surrounded by feelings no matter how hard or crappy it would have been and witnessing that magic and blessing of that Christmas day long gone from our hearts.
What is Christmas for YOU today?
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